Monday, January 20, 2014

Change Is Good...But I Would Rather Have $20 Bills


While not being a huge fan of the big box retailers and supermarkets in our area, I find them a necessary evil in my weekly pursuit for things such as dishwashing liquid, groceries and other various hard/soft line goods for which I am an end user.  If I am not growing it or I outright must have it, nothing says pandemonium like a quick trip to Walmart or Target.  And as I feel no remorse or shame for making such trips, I try to avoid it like a protestant deacon avoids making facial contact with a fellow church member in the liquor store.  However, today I never have felt such a longing for said establishments.  Being a national holiday with many financial institutions and governments being closed in observance, I have found myself in a bit of a quandary.  As I am home sorting mounds of accumulations and making a determination as to what is to be trash, what is to be donated, and what will inevitably become crap that we keep against our better judgment, I felt those pangs of hunger starting to thrust themselves upon me.  As any normal male with the ability to do any and everything better than the others who share his domicile, I bypassed the leftovers and the pots & pans all together and jumped in my truck.  As I headed to the grocery to procure the certain something that would cure the emptiness in my stomach, I noticed that my wallet was neither in the same location nor the same condition from where I had left it very early this morning.  As I opened the ragged black leather to allay any concerns I may have had, I found that my fair-haired eldest daughter has borrowed my credit card as she has pressing obligations with her compatriots.   Not too concerned, I flipped up the inner compartment that holds my driver’s license only to reveal that the space normally containing my debit card had been appropriated by my lovely wife and our younger offspring for errands that will require remuneration.   While this would normally not be an issue on any other day than a Sunday, I smartly headed to Wells Fargo to cash a check.  Two blocks from the bank, I suddenly felt a coldness and tingling of the hair standing up on the back of my neck as I realized that in honor of the holiday, of which there are 2 today, I will be doing no financial transactions.  With the same feelings as a child who got socks and underwear from his grandmother on Christmas, I turned through a vacant parking lot and headed home.  In almost the same time it took for me to remember the holiday, as I reached for my tumbler of coffee several quarters fell into the cupholder from the heaping pile in the console; I was coin-rich and the Dollar General is ahead on the left.  As I pulled into the parking spot with the same fervor as a lottery winner cashing his ticket, I began to assay my silver and copper bounty.  It amounted to $ 5.37!  I walked into the store, began to “shop” and became reacquainted with the joyous flavors from my childhood, which are those of potted meat, Hostess fruit pies, and DG brand chips.  So, not only did I come up with a rational solution to my problem, get the very first parking spot next to the front door, and awaken fond memories from my youth; I had enough money left over to wash down my feast with a Fanta Strawberry Soda.  Ain’t life grand!

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